3 Ways to Start Building the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted

pair-596090_1920When you ask the average married man with kids what his priority is, he will almost always say, “My wife and kids.” They might even add, “I work my tail off every day to make sure they’re taken care of,” or “Every Saturday we have family time.”

What would your wife say?

What will your kids say when they are old enough to understand?

Sometimes as men, we think we know what our loved one’s need more they do.  We silently put in extra hours building our careers in hopes of taking even better care of our wives and kids.  More money and more opportunities will certainly make them happy.

Are you missing something? Why does your marriage seem to lack something? You’re doing your best but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Is she is impossible to please?  What does your wife truly want? Can you say without question?

Below are 3 things that will help you and your wife get on the same page. Do them in unison. What she needs may be more simple than you think. You will never know if you don’t ask.

  1. Initiate an Open Ended Conversation – Don’t wait for your wife to tell you what she wants. If you wait, you’ll likely only hear from her when she’s really frustrated.  Set aside time to have an open conversation about what you both want.  That’s right, you set it up! Here are some example questions to get the conversation started: Where do you see us in 5 years? What do you want more of? What needs to change? How can I be a better husband?  What do you need more help with?Scary questions to ask? Consider the consequences of not asking them.  If you don’t know what’s really going on in your marriage, how can you work on it? Keep talking about these questions. Get better at answering them with agreed upon actions. Get better together.
  2.  Set a Standing Date Night That Trumps All Else – Agree on a time and day to spend time together, just you and your wife. If you have kids, ante up and pay for a baby sitter. Even if it’s on a Sunday afternoon or a morning coffee. Make it a priority. Don’t use lack of time as an excuse. It’s not lack of time, it’s lack of importance. Something has become more important than dating your wife. Whether it’s laziness, work, kids or convenience, it doesn’t matter. Take back your marriage and start letting your actions reflect how much you love your wife. Start dating her again.
  3. Eliminate Any Doubt That She is Your Priority – Now that you’ve decided to put your marriage in it’s proper place, it’s time to have fun and up your game. Become a detective of what she likes. Write her notes about how much you appreciate her. When you walk in the door after a long day, walk past your kids and go to her first. Tell her you missed her. Dance with her in the kitchen. Pick her up, if you can. Plan surprise day trips together. Think of ways to show her that she is the most important person in your life, without question.She’s your wife, the one you vowed your life to. Get over yourself and start treating her like the gift she is.

You can do this. Don’t wait. Today could be the last day you get to hold her. Step it up men!